I’ve just fixed myself a little nightcap (baileys and milk is the ideal nightcap) and am about to wander upstairs to bed. The fact that I haven’t checked in lately is preying on my mind, so I’d better tell you all that I’m still alive, doing relatively well, and am very busy at uni and am eating far too much and exercising far too little. Considering that lately I have been less than enamoured with my physical (and mental and emotional) self, this is probably less than good. Still, my good intentions are all firmly in place, so I may well become Super Sarah this semester after all. (paddy powers are currently 10000000/1 on this)

I am currently suffering from intensely itchy feet (and sore fingers, but those are real rather than metaphorical) and this isn’t being helped by my lovely jetsetting friends. I got a text from Evonne, who has gone to Australia for a year, and my brother’s gone to spain for the week, and artemis has moved to london and the lady who works in the cafe at uni is off to new zealand in a couple of months, even. Then someone shows me This Dancing Man and now I just want to travel, and dance like it doesn’t matter what I look like, and make connections with strangers I’ll possibly never see again.

With hindsight, doing my course this year was not the decision I should have taken. The fact that I went straight into it, and that it’s got quite a full timetable and heavy-ish workload means that I can’t get a parttime job and I’ve had to take out a loan to cover the fees/living expenses. I’m not 100% sure how good the course actually is; most of the people who did it last year have jobs, but not all of them are very well paid, or very fulltime, and now I have this loan to think about repaying come September.

I possibly should have stuck to my guns and done what I originally thought was the sensible option, which was to move to Galway and get a crap, badly-paid job for a year, saving as much as i could, then apply for the grant (which would have at least covered my fees and possibly given some maintenance as well) and do the course. OR ELSE do one of the OTHER courses, based out in the middle of nowhere, but which ACTUALLY PAY YOU to do the course. But my bed is made, and now I’m going to make the best I can of it, and get a job and stay in debt for the rest of my life. It’s so WRONG that a “normal” life means that being debt-free is a virtual impossibility. To those of you lucky, talented, smart, inventive and/or brazen enough to be able to live outside of those parameters, I salute you. The system has sucked me in, I’m afraid. There is no hope.

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